It’s a travesty isn’t it that the word bullying should sit anywhere near pregnancy, birth or parenting?
But sadly it does – this blog post has been triggered by a new release of posts, going around social media today, on bullying in midwifery.
I’ve seen a number of posts about mum-shaming too this week and we are only on Wednesday.
I also hear stories of women saying that they felt bullied into decisions about their baby’s birth that didn’t feel right for them.
I’ve often wondered why I was called to work in the area of pregnancy, birth and parenting. In fact I’ve pondered long and hard because you see after training to be a hypnotherapist, and before I had my daughter Evan, women just started asking me if I could help them.
Working with pregnant women and their partners chose me.
Then this morning I finally connected the dots.
You see my big passion is promoting and supporting self-worth.
Bullying whether you are the bully or the one being bullied comes about because of low self-esteem.
I was bullied in primary school – I’ve never told anyone this before EVER. I was the biggest kid in the school, in height and stature. All I wanted to do was shrink down small and hide, but I stuck out like a sort thumb, and the only other girl of similar size and height to me used to bully me.
My way was to never let it show but she scared the cr*p out of me and it was one of the big things as a child that harmed my sense of self-worth.
I realised today that because of my underlying passion, I look at the issues surrounding pregnancy, birth and parenting from a completely different perspective, and that makes a difference to others.
Yes I want women to feel empowered in their choices but not to have to fight for them. Fighting does nobody any good, which is why I talk about NEGOTIATING for the birth you want instead.
Looking for a win:win:win.
A win for mum, for baby and her medical team. Because after all we are all on the same team aren’t we, and when we fight we risk defeat and seeing ourselves as weak, and If we win at a fight it is at the detriment of others isn’t it?
I hate seeing women say that they failed at birth when I know it is because what they are being taught is wrong.
You cannot control the outcome of your birth, you can influence it, but you cannot completely control it.
Women are often taught that if they do x,y and z that they can control their baby’s birth but that just isn’t true. Which is why I show them how to have ‘the right birth on the day’.
It shocks me to the core that a profession that is all about nurturing women has bullying as a problem.
But as there is, it is likely to mean that there are massive underlying issues from the top down with regards to low self-esteem. When there is a pervasive culture of bullying in any organisation, you will normally find that the person bullying you has been or is being bullied somewhere else.
Which is why I freely share one of my most powerful techniques for promoting confidence and protecting against others negativity with midwives (the tool in this previous blog is good for all though so if you are affected by bullying then please check it out).
Two of my biggest values are fairness and being non-judgemental and I don’t get why mum-shaming is a thing when it is so much better to support each other, irrespective of our different views on things. But again it takes confidence to accept that someone else has a different opinion to you and to simply acknowledge that is what is right for them. Low self-esteem gets in the way of that.
Please understand this….
You cannot be bullied if you have a strong sense of worth.
You won’t bully others if you have a strong sense of worth.
Whichever category you fit into you are a victim and you have to ask yourself this.
“Do I want to be a victim?
This can be in relation to any areas in your life in which you are being bullied, however ‘small’, it doesn’t have to be in relation to pregnancy, birth and parenting.
If you want to make a change around bullying, whichever category you are in, one of the biggest things you can do for yourself is to find ways to increase your self-esteem.